How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
