I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
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