I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
