I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
