50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
Randomize
