My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
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