hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
