dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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