I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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