haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
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