I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
