By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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