just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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