He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
