I love black thongs
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
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