Cold hands, warm shart.
I wish I only lived at night.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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