and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize