This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
