I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
