So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
