i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
