so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize