toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
