They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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