alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
When did we convert life to cartoon?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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