So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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