So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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