My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
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Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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