So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
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