Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
