and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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