Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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