Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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