somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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