threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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