Yo dont text me then not text me
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
