he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
