Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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