could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.