I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's official drugs can't kill me
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize
