My girlfriend figured out who you are.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.