Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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