thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
