oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
