i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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