No awkward lesbian experiences without me
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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