Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
