So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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