How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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