dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
