I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I deserve to be covered in dicks
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We're too hungover to prance.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
