Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
