Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
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