i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
