Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I think my vagina is haunted
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Randomize
