You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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