True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
