In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
