i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
