Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
