I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
