Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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