does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
