hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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