Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
