grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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