Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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