Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
