And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Randomize
