I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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