you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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