i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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