your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
