My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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